Wine writers, stand to your guns

I know bullshit when I see it. I’m a wine writer, after all, and wine writers have perpetrated some of the most pretentious nonsense ever committed to paper. But I sense a serious challenge coming from the motor industry. Fairfax NZ motoring editor Dave Moore recently wrote a piece about the new-look Ford Territory, in which he quotes from what I presume to be a Ford press release waxing eloquently about something called “kinetic design language”.

Moore quotes Ford designer Chris Svensson as saying: “Kinetic design comprises several specific elements, all of which are present in the new Territory.” [Now here’s the bit I like.] “They are confident stance, dynamic lines, expressive form language, taut surfacing, bold graphics and great detailing.”

Confident stance? Expressive form language? Taut surfacing? Pass the sick bag.

I’ve noticed an increasing tendency lately for motoring writers to resort to the sort of esoteric language normally seen only in reviews of contemporary poetry books and abstract art exhibitions, but this marks a step up. Even as one fluent in the pompous dialect known as winespeak, I’m not sure I can compete at this level.